CHAPTER THREE

The Bread and Butter Pizza

The groceries now saved from their long journey and Little Red unpacked, the weekend had officially begun. The food that we brought into that house was amazing. Everything from pickles to bread, cheese to fudge, we had it. With everyone now in attendance and settled into their rooms, dinner was the next thing on the list. I had brought dinner for the gang on the first night, pulled pork BBQ, roasted turkey and turnip greens from the garden. Wanda brought the coleslaw and made some cornbread to go along.

While dinner was being reheated and finished up Doyle whipped out his handy dandy ’blender’ and started stirring up the margaritas and Darrell opened the wine. The instruments were brought out, the amps plugged in and the microphone attached. The music, wine and margaritas flowed.

Dinner began with a toast. Since we are of Irish and Indian heritage, a good ol’ Irish toast was due. (or so I thought, so I gave a toast)

May those that love us, love us. And those that don’t love us,
may god turn their hearts. And if he can’t turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles so we know them by their limpin’

Add laughter, food, wine and margaritas to a gathering of 11 people and what do you have?
A full table! We are a table family. We may all have living rooms or dens or porches, but this family gathers round the table or somewhere near the kitchen when we are together. Kitchens and the tables that accompany them truly are the heart of our homes.
In my mothers small house, gathering round the table was a challenge! I remember once, there were ooh, probably 6 or 7 of us sitting round the table with one empty chair, at the back. Another family member came in needing a seat and Wanda, who was sitting at the end of the table, stood up and yelled ‘SHIFT’! Without batting an eye or uttering a word, everyone stood up, ’shifted’ over one chair, and sat back down. This was the way of things with us. Many memories are around the kitchen table, from arguments to laughter to cheats at cards, the kitchen table was our domain. This weekend was no different, this table got it’s use. At any time during the day or night, someone or several someone’s were sitting at the table.

With dinner done and the kitchen clean up out of the way, more margaritas were made and more bottles of wine were opened and emptied. Everyone got out their instruments (gitfiddles as our mama called em’) and played and sang a bit here and there. Good thing we seemed alone on this mountain. This group can sometimes get a little loud. Of course, had we had any neighbors, they’d have showed up at the door wanting to join the party! (and we’d have let them!)

As the evening wore on, everyone

was getting ‘happy'. Now, I could say it was the altitude we were at and pretend it was the lack of oxygen, but something tells me different. With the many bottles of wine and pitchers of margaritas we went through that night, the happy was not due to lack of oxygen.

About 11pm or so, Darrell gets a ‘hankerin’ for pizza. Wanda agrees…“Ohh pizza, what a good idea.“
So Darrell goes downstairs, gets a phone book and begins calling the local pizza parlors. The first one, no answer. The second one, was in Gatlinburg and didn’t deliver this far.
Who’d have thunk…pizza delivery in the mountains! I hope they get paid well!

Doyle and his wife Linda Anne retire to their bedroom as Darrell is making these phone calls downstairs, so he has no clue that pizza delivery is not available. Darrell returns upstairs and laments that there is no pizza place close enough to deliver. Doyle does not hear this.
If you remember, I said, we make do with what we’ve got? Well, Darrell goes into the kitchen and whips up his brand of quick pizza. He slices off some of the bakery bread, layers a bit of butter on it and shares it with Wanda. The two of them think Doyle deserves to try this pizza.

The wheels in Darrel’s head begin to turn, and you can see the devilment in his eyes. He goes to the door, knocks loudly on the wall, and then answers the door. He pretends to be talking with someone outside the door and doing it loudly enough so that Doyle, upstairs can hear this. He closes the door with a thud.

Wanda and Darrell start proclaiming, loudly (For the benefit of those upstairs), how GOOD this pizza is, all the while standing there eating bread and butter. They try to coax Doyle from his room in this manner, it isn’t working.

Wanda decides that Doyle MUST have a piece so she grabs a piece of bread and butter, trots up the stairs and starts banging on his door. “Doyle, you have to come out and have some of this pizza, it’s the best pizza I’ve ever had!“ She gets a muffled comment from behind the wooden door.

Again she goes at it…knock knock knock, “Doyle I swear, this is great pizza, you have to try some!“ and with that, he opens the door. What transpired after that point is a mystery to me. I do know that Wanda extolled on the pizza and how good it was and upon returning downstairs declares that “Doyle was no fun, he didn’t think our pizza was good and has threatened to hide my teeth!“ Wanda has partials, and apparently Doyle has hidden them from her before. This time, he threatened to put them on a fishing line and cast them out across the mountain.
Darrell laughs and makes another slice of pizza. He and Wanda are continuing their private pizza party for a few more minutes when Wanda’s cell phone rings. It’s Doyle, from upstairs. He’s making prank calls to her from the bedroom teasing her about hiding her teeth!
Lisa (Darrell’s wife) and I are watching this whole thing play out, laughing our asses off and Jack, sitting at the table, shakes his head at the antics of these three, gets up and trudges off down the hall to his own bedroom. Wanda starts looking for a hiding place that she can put her teeth so they will remain safe, as Darrell pours another glass of wine.

The first day comes to a close with imaginary pizza, prank phone calls and threats made on a set of hidden false teeth.
And people wonder how I got the way I am!

Chapter Four: 11 Little Indians